what is a leader?

Okay, new book. I finished this one in a few hours the other day and i am now re-reading it. Not as great as the last one i read but this one has been really helpful in re-defining who i am and who i want to be.

It was really easy when i was in school to know all of this stuff becuase i was forced to look at myself and my plans and my reservations every day especially as an art/ psych major it was in every class i took.

Since i have been away from all of that for a while i seem to have lost myself into other people's judgements and ideas of who i am and who i should be and what im not. I have gotten comfortable in that way of life and couldnt understand why i was anxious, aggrevated and frustrated. I know now that a lot of those feeling of being trapped and lost are becuase i havent expressed myself in the ways that i need to to grow and shine. I have lost myself and i need to find my way back on track, get re-motivated and again learn everything that i can to accomplish my goals.

Back to the book. this has been a great tool so far to help me get started. Each chapeter is broken down by an explination of the quality and then a lot of reflection. I have been working on the first 2 chapters this week. I have been keeping a journal and i want to share but i am going to edit a little to get rid of names and the "ideas" of names so that no one takes anything i say personally. Please do not take anything for more than what it is. Feel free to share your ideas and opinions especially on what traits you think a leader posseses... I would love to know!

exercise 1

I could have talked to people better. I should have stepped up instead of walking the other way. I shy away and avoid confrontation at all costs when I should step up and do it the proper way. I should get to know people before I pass judgment. I let myself down when I criticize and expect the unreasonable. I let myself and others down when I am doubtful and negative. I do not follow through with rules set and I am not perfect even though I expect others to be. I cut corners both personally and at work. I expect others to give their all when maybe their all is given. I do not recognize mistakes in others but make plenty myself. I let myself down then I push myself to a breaking point instead of allowing others to take some of the pressure off. Once my mind is set it is next to impossible get me to change it. I do not lead people or teach I would rather do it myself to get it done properly. I let myself down when I find myself working for praise instead of passion. The things I say do not always match my actions. I tell people to do one thing and sometimes find myself doing the other. I rush with explanation instead of giving the “why’s” behind my explanation and I am the why person. I always need to know why I am doing something. I sometimes do not leave room for interpretation and mistake and stick by the rules too much. I let others easily influence my decisions and I model my behaviors, thoughts and actions after everyone else instead of standing strong by me. I do not trust myself. I do not always like myself. I do not think that I am a strong leader and I let others down when they need that leadership and guidance.

My plan is to recognize these actions before they happen. Give people a chance and pull out strengths not weaknesses. Work with what is given and make a plan for improvement. Remind myself every morning to be confident, I know the answers, I have the answers and allow people to look to me for them. I now understand I need to practice trusting myself and that my way of doing things may be different and still right. I do not need to model myself after other people I can be me and people will like and respect that much more.

Like i said before feel free to comment, just please dont comment on my words and how i feel about myself. this is really personal and i know that i am making the choice to make it public but i just ask that if you want to comment to be cautious.